Melissa is a writer and virtual assistant. She earned her Master’s from Southern Illinois University, and her Bachelor’s in English from the University of Michigan. When she’s not working, you can find her reading a good book, cooking, or traveling. She resides in New York where she loves the natural beauty of the area.
Over the last two years, thanks to the pandemic, more and more Americans started working from home. While some people eagerly returned to the office, not everyone is excited to do so. Some people discovered that they enjoyed working from home and plan to continue to do so indefinitely. If you’re part of a professional couple, you may both have the opportunity to work from home. While this flexibility is convenient, having two people in the same household opt not to return to the office can be challenging unless you implement these 5 tips for working from home with your spouse.
I’m part of a Facebook group for women, and lately, I’ve noticed a trend. Several women have posted about their spouses, specifically how they are not pulling their weight at home. These women complain that their spouses come home after work and play video games until late into the night. Or, they watch tv and leave their significant other to cook all of the food, clean the house, pay the bills and maintain the yard. What they don’t realize is that sharing chores is essential to a good relationship.
You may have heard some couples say that they could never work together. They prefer to have separate places of employment because they believe working and living together is too much togetherness. However, other couples work well together. They get along and make good business partners. If you and your significant other fall into the latter category, there are plenty of advantages of employing your spouse.
Okay, nerd budgeting time. I’m the budgeter in our family, and I use YNAB. We’ve used this program for several years and love it. However, within the last year, I’ve added some categories to our budget that have made a huge difference in how smoothly our monthly budget runs. Namely, we used our raise to budget for true expenses.
Donna’s grown daughter, Felicia, asked her mother for money to start a new business venture. Donna didn’t feel comfortable with the business, but she wanted to help her daughter. Plus, she knew if she said no, Felicia would threaten Donna by withholding Donna’s access to her grandchildren. Donna pulled the money from her retirement account. Four years later, Felicia’s business, which had struggled from the beginning, went bankrupt. Donna was left with almost no money in her retirement. Perhaps if she had learned to set money boundaries in relationships, Donna would have been able to say no and maintain her retirement fund.
When I lived in Chicago, our landlords had been married for over 20 years. He was used to being the breadwinner. She worked part-time at a low-income job and helped to manage their three rental properties. During the economic downturn in 2007, he lost his job. At first, he optimistically applied for other positions, but as the months dragged on, he went into a deep depression and eventually stopped applying for jobs. Unfortunately, stories like theirs aren’t unique; they can happen to anyone. If your spouse faces a crisis, try using these 3 ways to help a financially struggling spouse.
My husband and I dated for nine months before he asked me to marry him. I said yes immediately, but I had some concerns about getting married—not to him—but getting married in general. My parents had always had a rocky relationship, and I didn’t want to repeat that in my relationship. We decided to go to premarital counseling, which was one of the smartest decisions we made.
How We Benefitted from Premarital Counseling
We went to see the counselor about eight times. During our time in therapy, we learned several lessons.
There Are No Guarantees in Life
The first lesson was mostly for me—there are no guarantees. You can have the best relationship and life plan, but Life can throw curveballs.
I struggle with control issues. Getting married and merging your life with another can be scary and require what feels like a lack of control.
People who have control issues like to handle everything themselves, but when you’re married, that won’t do. You also have to trust that the other person has your back and that you’re stronger as a team than as an individual. When you’ve been single all of your life, learning to trust someone completely can be difficult.
The counselor taught me that there are no guarantees in life. People get married and all sorts of things happen. Some couples divorce. A spouse may die. One may get sick and fight an illness for years. We don’t know what the future may hold. The best you can do is trust yourself and your partner to get through together.
We Discussed Potential Marriage Pitfalls
We also discussed potential marriage pitfalls, and how we would handle money and make decisions together. In addition, we discussed our families of origin. The counselor helped us see that we were a good match in that we already agreed on many lifestyle choices. He felt confident we were compatible and a good fit for marriage.
We Knew Counseling Would Be an Option in the Future
Most importantly, because we attended premarital therapy, we knew that if we hit a rough patch in our marriage, we were both open to future counseling.
Three years after we were married, we did hit a rough patch and went to counseling for about six months. Had we not had the willingness to attend marriage counseling, I’m not sure our marriage would have survived.
We’ve now been married 21 years, and besides that one rough spot, we’ve been happy and compatible. The marriage counselor was right, there are no guarantees. Sometimes you need to prepare as well as you can and then take the leap in faith.
Final Thoughts
If you’re planning to marry, I highly recommend premarital counseling. You may only need to go for a few sessions, but therapy can help you iron out any potential difficulties you may have and lay the groundwork for a strong foundation throughout your life together.
When you’re married, you expect to work with your partner to accomplish your life and financial goals. As the old saying goes, two are better than one, and with double the earning, saving, and spending power, couples often find they have an easier time getting ahead financially than their single friends. Unfortunately, for some couples, a marital union doesn’t help them get ahead. Instead, they may have a spouse who steals from them, either during the relationship or during the divorce proceeding. If this occurs, you may wonder if you can sue your spouse for theft.
Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair. We acquire knowledge throughout our lifetime, but we can’t go back and improve on our younger selves. However, by reflecting on mistakes made in the past, we can stay on course in the present.
Money arguments occur in many marriages, but they don’t have to. When you learn how to improve financial communication for couples, you will find that you have less to argue about because you understand one another. Once you’re on the same financial page, you can work together to achieve your goals, which sounds better than rehashing the same tired financial arguments month after month.
About Melissa Batai
