About Melissa Batai
While DINKs used to be a rarity among couples, that is changing. According to U.S. Census data, “Married-couple households without their own children under 18 were more common than married-couple households with their own children. Of the 59 million married-couple households, about 36 million didn’t have kids living with them and 22 million did.” As the population of DINKs grows, we wonder, are DINKs happier?
The Cons of the DINKs Lifestyle
The DINKs lifestyle does have some drawbacks.
Endless Questions from Family and Friends
No matter how frequently you tell family and friends that you do not intend to have children, they likely will be unable to resist asking you if you’ve changed your mind. These questions may continue into your early 40s, and hearing them repeatedly can be aggravating.
Even when a woman is past child-bearing age, she may have others close to her ask her if she regrets her decision and wishes she would have had children. When individuals go against the status quo, they likely will face rude and intrusive questions. However, DINKs who are firm in their decision to remain childless do not need to explain why to anyone.
Trouble Making Childless Friends
As DINKs age, they may find that their high school and college friends marry and have children. Those friends likely have less time to spend with the DINKs couple. So, DINKs may have to search for new friends—fellow DINKs. If they can’t easily find DINKs, then they may not have friends who are frequently available to get together and go out with them.
Loneliness as You Age
Another drawback is that you may become lonely as you age without children and grandchildren. A DINK couple I was friends with found this to be true. They thoroughly enjoyed the DINKs lifestyle from the time they were married until their 60s, when her health began to fail. He carried a heavy burden caring for her and sometimes questioned whether they should have had children. A larger family than just the two of them could have helped him carry the burden of her care.
However, some couples overcome this issue by maintaining an interest in their nieces and nephews’ lives. When those children age and become parents, they enjoy spending time with their grand-nieces and grand-nephews.
A Lack of Legacy
Some DINKs, when they get to the end of their lives, regret that they don’t have a human legacy. Since they have no children, they don’t have anyone to carry on their name and causes. While this doesn’t happen to all DINKs, it does happen to some. As the end of life approaches, they may regret never having children to carry on when they are gone.
The Pros of the DINKs Lifestyle
If you’ve chosen the DINKs lifestyle, you’ll likely find more positives than negatives.
Both Can Pursue Their Careers
While couples with children can pursue their careers, one person usually has to sacrifice their career occasionally. After all, someone must stay home to care for children when they’re sick, go to their sports games, or take care of them in the summer. Even if parents use nannies or daycare, one partner will likely have to sometimes interrupt their work to care for children.
However, DINKs couples do not have this burden. Both can work and pursue their careers because they have no other obligations except to one another. Because they have an unencumbered career path, they can advance further in their careers than someone with children.
More Financial Security
DINKs couples are often more financially secure than their counterparts with children for two reasons.
First, they can pursue their careers more relentlessly than couples with children, as mentioned above. They likely make more money throughout their careers than those who have to start and stop their jobs because they have children.
Second, children are expensive! According to Northwest Mutual, “Raising a child in 2023 could cost an average of $331,933 from the time a child is born to age 18.” That number may seem outrageous, but consider the formula, diapers, daycare, sports, clothes, food, travel, and college parents typically pay for, and you see how the numbers add up.
A family with three kids will spend an average of one million on their children that DINKs couples don’t have to pay.
Better Retirement
Because they can both pursue their careers and don’t have to spend money on children, DINKs can have a better retirement than their married counterparts with children. As long as they prioritize saving for retirement and invest wisely, they can look forward to a wealthy retirement. The money set aside can afford them the retirement they want, whether that’s travel, taking classes, socializing, or donating to their favorite charities.
More Freedom
A DINKs couple has more freedom because there are only two of them versus a family of four or five. They can pack up and travel for a long weekend on a whim. They can take a class together or meet with friends after work. Without children and their schedules to consider, especially as kids get older, DINKs have much more freedom to pursue their interests.
However, that’s not all. DINKs can buy a house where they want without having to consider the neighborhood and the school district because they don’t have kids to attend school. In addition, if they decide to move across the country, they can because they only have to consider one another, not a family of several people.
Final Thoughts
Are DINKs happier? There isn’t a correct answer to a blanket statement. DINKs may be very happy with their lives, but their friends who are married with children may also be satisfied with their lives. The point is to pursue the life you want to live. If you wish to remain a DINK, you will likely be happy with that choice because it’s the life you want to live.
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