Venus and Mars and Our Money

by Kristina Tahnyak on October 7, 2015 · 4 comments

men and women, venus and mars, money advice, money tips

Do you notice a difference between men and women and money?  I know I do.  I think men and women are very different when it comes to almost every aspect of money from saving to spending and investing to splurging.  The question is, how can we live happily ever after if our money habits are so different?

Different management styles

It’s very possible that you and your spouse have similar views on money, but manage your cash very differently.  Allow me to explain.  Maybe you both agree that saving for retirement should be a priority, but your spouse is a high risk investor whereas you are risk adverse.

Maybe you and your sweetheart both agree that it’s O.K. to splurge every now and then but you want to spend the money on travelling and your spouse wants to go to a concert.  That right there is the difference between men and women when it comes to money.

Set priorities together

Problems arise in a relationship, not because a couple manages their money differently as individuals but when they let the differences affect the marriage.  I always say that it doesn’t matter how you make your cash because money can all be spent in the same places.  This is especially true for relationship goals.

If you set financial priorities together it doesn’t matter how you achieve your goal, as long as you do it together.  If you see your spouse come home with something that wasn’t planned don’t be upset they spent the money, but check in on your goals to make sure you’re still on the same track.  Who knows, maybe they had some extra cash that month and decided to buy a little treat.  Spending on them self doesn’t always equal neglecting joint goals.

How to overcome conflict

My best advice as a girlfriend and as a financial planner on how to overcome money conflicts in a relationship is to communicate.  So many arguments in life and in relationships arise due to lack of communication.  If you plan on spending money or want to add a new goal to your list of priorities just talk about it with your spouse.  It may be awkward and uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be.

Keep in mind that money only becomes a problem in our relationships if we let it.  When we do see stress start to arise in a couple it’s best to talk about it as soon as possible because otherwise a small financial issue can snowball into a big financial problem.

Sometimes goals – both personal, joint and financial – need to be adjusted.  Just think about your goals this year and ask yourself, have they been adjusted?  Are you on track?  The answer may be yes.  So now ask yourself this, if you can adjust your personal goals why can’t you adjust your joint couples goals?

A part of being a couple is learning to compromise so talk about it and don’t let money be a problem in your relationship.


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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kathy October 7, 2015 at 1:07 pm

My husband and I did establish priorities and worked toward them, agreeing with almost every aspect. Our main difference was regarding automobiles. He never wants a car out of warranty and I hate car payments so I would prefer to keep a car much longer. I have to admit, I reluctantly deferred to him most of the time. Currently, however, we have two vehicles that are 8 and 11 years old, both very low mileage for their age. One purchased brand new and we’ve babied it the whole time we owned it. The other we bought when it was 5 years old from a relative under sad circumstances. I don’t think hubby regrets this, but he still comments that he’d prefer having vehicles still under warranty.

2 Kristina October 10, 2015 at 11:13 am

That’s great to hear Kathy. I love it when couples work together when it comes to money.

3 Natalie October 14, 2015 at 8:05 pm

Strange article . What you describe is not differences between men and women but between two people. There is nothing inherently gender based about it.

4 kg October 18, 2015 at 11:50 am

We’ve always talked about and planned how to use our money. We have a spending plan, some people call it a budget, where we choose how to save and spend our money. We each get an allowance that we can do whatever we want with. I don’t think there is a lot of difference in how we spend money based on our gender. I think it’s based more on your personality and how you grew up. I grew up in a safe family where family members respected your things where you had to be careful with your money so you wouldn’t run out. My husband grew up in a chaotic family where his stepmother would go through his stuff and steal his money he earned delivering newspapers. She was not a good person and did a lot of bad stuff. He learned to spend his money before it got stolen. He is the most calm, unflappable, gentle, strong person you could meet. Nothing surprises him. He’s now able to save money. I’ve tried to always make him feel secure as I’ve always felt that home should be a safe, peaceful refuge against the outside world We’ve both evolved and have become closer as we approach our 33rd year of marriage.

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