Breaking Up Without Getting a Divorce

by Kristina Tahnyak on April 25, 2012 · 2 comments

I recently heard through the office gossip grapevine that my Branch Manager is getting divorced.  Yesterday in the lunch room she confirmed that the rumors are true.  My Branch Manager didn’t make a big announcement; she was just casually mentioning that she has some extra work on her plate right now because in addition to her duties as our Bank Branch Manager she is also dealing with her divorce.

There are a couple of things that bothered me about the fact that my Branch Manager is giving her employees the details about her divorce.  First, it’s really no one’s business what happens in her personal life, and second she said that he was “dealing” with her divorce.  It made her divorce sound like it was just another business deal that she was trying to close as quickly as possible.  I don’t want to say that my branch manager is a cold hearted tin (wo) man with no heart, but a divorce or a relationship break up of any kind is an emotional disconnection, it’s not a business deal. Divorce is not only a financial breakup ; it’s also a life change.

My Branch Manager is also a Financial Planner, and therefore she is looking at her divorce as a financial burden rather than as a breakdown in her relationship.  She is getting all of her account statements in order so that she can go into her divorce negotiations will all of the necessary information because she wants her divorce to be finalized as quickly as possible.  My Branch Manager has said several times that she doesn’t really have time to be dealing with her divorce because she already has a full plate of responsibility with her workload.  I couldn’t help but think that maybe if she spent more quality time on her marriage instead of always being at the office she might not currently be getting divorced.

When couples go through a divorce they usually have to separate their personal assets from their joint assets.  Joint Assets are usually considered to be any assets that were attained or accumulated during the relationship. We are required to provide all of our asset statements before we got married as well as our statements that show the current value of our assets.  If one spouse has attained or accumulated more assets than the other spouse we will be required to make a payment to our spouse.  I honestly think that this is the real reason why my Branch Manger is upset about getting divorced; she doesn’t want to have to pay support to her soon to be ex husband.

As you may remember I am not married to my boyfriend Nick.  I always tell myself that I would like to have the option of getting married someday; however after hearing my Branch Manager talk about the end of her marriage as a business deal I beginning to think that I made the right decision to remain unmarried.

If ever the relationship with my boyfriend Nick comes to an end our breakup will be as simple as one of us packing our bags and moving out.  All of the financial ties will be broken as soon as one of us returns the house key and walks out the door for the last time.

The emotional scars that remain after a breakup of a marriage or a relationship will be present for a long time after the last words are said. Eventually we will move on and hopefully we will be able to find love again. But the emotional and financial scars of a previous breakup may never fully go away.  After we have survived a breakup it may be hard to trust someone again with both our money and our heart.

If you are remarried do you manage your money differently in your second marriage?

Photo by Keoni

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 bathroom designs April 26, 2012 at 2:58 am

Breaking Up Without Getting a Divorce
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2 Careful Cents April 26, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I don’t really think you’re Branch Manager is handling the situation that terribly. Yes, I agree she should have spent more time on her relationship than her career, but often times the best way to deal with a major breakup/divorce is to take the emotions out of the situation. As someone who went through a divorce, it can get to be a big swirling mess of emotions and painful memories if you don’t treat it more like a business transaction.

I think there’s a good balance to find between being too emotionally in a divorce and not be attached enough. It’s a tough situation overall. Also, non of us can really judge how difficult or easy something like this is on the person who’s dealing with it. Lots of people (including my ex-husband) think I’m cold-hearted and unemotional. But that’s because I like to deal with stuff in private, and cry at night when I’m alone. No one sees the truth but me.

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