DINKS may not be DINKS Forever!

by Kristina Tahnyak on December 12, 2011 · 6 comments

Good Morning DINKS.  As you may know I am 31 years old and I live with my boyfriend Nick.  We have been together for a long time and when we were younger Nick did want to get married and have kids.  Now that we are older my boyfriend swears that he never wants to get married and/or have kids.  I am not sure if he doesn’t want to get married to and have kids with me, or if he doesn’t want to get married and have kids in general.

I can almost pin point the exact moment in our relationship when my boyfriend Nick decided that he did not want to have kids (with me).  A few years ago we were sitting on the couch one night watching Television and I mentioned that if we are going to have kids we should start the process soon because we want the kid to be out of our home by the time we retire.  This way we can go back to enjoying the rest of our life together.

My boyfriend’s response was “You aren’t even pregnant yet and you are already planning to kick the kid out of the house.” Ever since that day my boyfriend decided that he doesn’t want to have kids (with me).

I personally didn’t (and still don’t) see the problem with my comment.  First of all I like to plan ahead, that’s just who I am.  Secondly both my boyfriend and I moved away from home at 18 years old and there is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.  We have been on our own for a long time and (once again in my opinion) we both turned out just fine.  I understand that kids need guidance from their parents, but that doesn’t mean that they have to be living under the same roof and be kept on a tight leash.  Life is all about trying new things and learning from our mistakes, right?

All this to say that my boyfriend Nick and I are not planning to have kids anytime soon but who knows what the future holds.  Maybe one day we will wake up, develop the parental gene, and want to have children together.  Being a DINK is definitely a lifestyle that we are both accustom to; however, we are getting older and our kid clock is quickly running out.

Are you and your DINK spouse planning to have kids anytime soon?

Just in case some of you DINKS are thinking about having kids, here are some things that you should do with your spouse before you decide to have kids:

– Travel.  It is definitely more expensive to travel as a family of four rather than as a couple.  When you have kids your family vacation destinations will be Disneyland and not Romantic Retreats. So take advantage of having less baggage and travel while you are a DINK.

– Enjoy Your Time With Each Other.  Families can be chaotic.  If you are thinking of having kids enjoy and cherish the time alone with your spouse because once you have kids your free time becomes all about them.

– Sleep. From what I understand parents are sleep deprived.  This alone is enough of a reason for me to keep taking my monthly DINK pills.  I love sleeping.

– Focus on Your Career.  It is best to work hard before having children in order to make sure that your dream job will still be there when you get back from having a baby.

– Have Some Money in the Bank.  If you can’t afford to live as a DINK then you should not think about having kids.  Enough Said!

Photo by EPsos

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Newlyweds on a Budget December 12, 2011 at 7:06 pm

You’ve mentioned a lot about wanting to get married and now you’re saying that your bf doesn’t want to get married. isn’t that a conflict of interest?

2 Kristina December 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm

@Newlyweds on a Budget – Yes absolutely it’s a conflict, but I have learned to live with it. Thanks for reading!

3 Warren Talbot December 13, 2011 at 1:36 am

This is a question we discussed openly from early in our relationship. We both explored reasons for why we might want or not want kids. We debated the issue for some time, trying to separate how much WE wanted kids from what society expected of us.

In the end we decided we had no interest in having children and so we took all the procedures necessary to ensure it would not happen. It is of course a highly personal decision, but it seems to me that the most important thing is to ensure you are doing it for you and not because someone else expects you to have them or that you worry when you get older you will regret it. The decision should be based on what you believe is right.

I will say that there is not a single day we regret our decision. We love our lives and do not feel there is a huge hole from not having kids. At the same time we love knowing great parents who love their kids more than anything in the world. Their children are the most important things to them and we love that their decision was right for them as well.

We’ve written about this quite a bit and talked about it in the past in a few interviews and would be happy to share more offline if you’d like.

Have fun exploring all the options. Personally, I wish more people would take the time to decide what they really wanted before just following “the expected path”.

4 Kristina December 13, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Hey Warren,

That is totally true! I think that a lot of couples get married and have kids because that’s what they are “supposed” to do. In my opinion that is total crap…having (or not having) kids should always be a personal decision between the couple. However, I know that there is a lot of presuure in a lot of different cultures for couples to have kids. It’s really too bad! Thanks for reading :-)

5 BioRed December 19, 2011 at 11:29 am

Your boyfriend saying the he does not want to have kid with you specifically because of that one comment would outrage me if I were in your shoes. I see nothing wrong with planning ahead in this way. From where I sit, it looks like he doesn’t want to have kids at all, and he took the opportunity of your comment to put the blame for you not having kids squarely on you. I am 30 years old, married for just over a year, and with the same man for 10 years (5 dating and 4 engaged before we married). If he even thought about turning his feeling all around on me, so that I could carry the burden of guilt for a childless life, when a child is what I really wanted, I would call him on that manipulative BS right away. You have painted a picture of a fantastic relationship together, but this one aspect from this post doesn’t seem to gel with that picture. My comments only come from a place of concern as a fellow woman in a DINK relationship myself.

6 Thia May 21, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I never felt any urge to have kids until I had to take care of a newborn nephew until he was 1 years old. Through the night time feedings (every three hours) and burpings and other things that i never thought i would want to do, I completely found my maternal side and decided that i wanted to have my OWN kids!

Then, of course, life doesn’t work out as you wish and expect. I find out that i have tumors on my ovaries and they were taken out. I can never had biological kids.

Of course, i can adopt, etc, etc…and should be a good humanitarian and adopt a child in need.

But the fact remains: i can never have my own flesh and blood kid.

Now, i really really wish i had not made so much fuss….so much effort and thought into fighting against the idea of having kids with my husband… and just have a family while we could before the tumors started growing!!

All that energy thinking about not having kids and why.. and why not… .. what a waste.

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