We all know that manners are important. Many of us were taught manners and proper etiquette from a young age. But sometimes these social norms are over the top. They can come off as forced or even facetious. Like how some people can be too nice that it feels fake. Here’s a list of 12 manners or social norms people often pretend to appreciate but secretly find annoying, outdated, or disingenuous:

1. Over-the-Top Politeness

Saying “sorry” or “excuse me” for every minor thing can come off as excessive or even insincere. It can also signal that someone has a lack of confidence. You don’t have to be sorry when there is nothing to be sorry for. While some people think that this behavior is polite, it can become very annoying.

2. Waiting to Eat Until Everyone Is Served

While waiting till everyone is served can be seen as respectful, it often feels forced. This is especially true when food gets cold. Manners say that if three or more people at your table are served, it’s okay to dig in. Otherwise, it could become very awkward at your table.

3. Sending Thank-You Cards for Every Gift

Many appreciate the gesture, but few enjoy writing them or feel they’re necessary when a sincere text or in-person thanks would suffice. It is very old-school to send a handwritten note. If the person who gave you the gift is more traditional, sending a written thank you is appropriate. Otherwise, other methods of thanking them are fine.

4. Not Talking About Money

Etiquette says it’s impolite to discuss salaries or finances, but this “rule” can perpetuate inequality and confusion. Talking about salaries at work is becoming more common. Pay transparency is even encouraged at some companies. In a social setting, you shouldn’t brag about your salary, but discussing finances is appropriate. If your company seems uncomfortable, then you should change the subject.

5. Standing When Someone Enters the Room

This old-fashioned gesture still lingers in some cultures, but many find it awkward or unnecessary today. Some of these cultures include Middle Eastern, African, East Asian, and South Asian cultures. This is also true in some traditional or aristocratic circles in countries like the UK, France, and Italy. It is also practiced in religious settings as a sign of respect. While you shouldn’t disrespect your elders, religious leaders, or aristocrats, this custom is less common in the US.

6. Not Bringing Up Taboo Topics

Many of us have been taught not to talk about topics like religion, mental health, or politics. While you never want to make someone uncomfortable, many people are okay with discussing these topics. It’s important to read the other person’s body language and social cues when talking about more sensitive topics. Also, be prepared for a healthy discussion and differing opinions. If you’re able to stay open and engage in dialogue, you’ll likely have a meaningful conversation.

7. Fake Compliments

Telling someone you “love their outfit” or “you look great” when you don’t really mean it is insecure. People can sense your fakeness, and it can be a turnoff. While compliments are nice, they aren’t necessary every time you see a person. A heartfelt hello will probably go over better than a forced compliment.

8. Forced Small Talk

Making polite conversation about the weather or your weekend plans often feels like a social chore rather than a genuine interest. It’s refreshing if you talk about topics of substance instead of surface-level topics. If you want to get to know someone, be curious and ask questions about their interests and life. This is much more polite than droning on about nothing meaningful.

9. Overdressing

Have you heard that it’s better to be overdressed or underdressed? This is outdated advice. Sometimes it’s better to be comfortable than feel awkward because you’re overdressed for an occasion. Many social events have become much more casual in nature. It’s best to go with what is appropriate instead of always dressing to the nines.

10. Bringing a Host Gift to Every Gathering

Bringing a gift to a party is a nice gesture. However, you don’t always have to bring a gift. Instead, ask the host what you can bring. It may be more helpful to bring dessert or something the host forgot, like extra plates. It will be much more appreciated by the host than a bouquet of flowers.

11. Men Picking Up The Tab

This dating etiquette is outdated, to say the least. Men often feel pressured to pay for their dates. This can be very awkward if their date wants to pay or split the tab. It’s okay to do it differently than society mandates. Especially if paying for every date poses a financial burden, it’s okay to talk to your date about how you’ll share the cost.

12. Pretending to Care About Outdated Etiquette Rules

Elbows on the table, not wearing hats indoors, or using the right fork are all examples of outdated etiquette rules. Many people pretend to respect these, but internally roll their eyes. Etiquette today is changing, and it’s important to learn new etiquette rules that are less cumbersome and often more relaxed.

Practicing Good Manners

In the end, good manners should foster respect and connection, and not feel like a performance. While etiquette has its place, clinging to outdated or exaggerated social norms can do more harm than good. It’s okay to let go of customs that no longer serve us and embrace a more authentic, thoughtful approach to interacting with others. True politeness isn’t about following every rule. It’s about being genuine, kind, and considerate in a way that feels real.

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