A 50/50 Relationship

by Kristina on July 19, 2010 · 12 comments

heart necklace

This week I have encountered two situations where two of my colleagues, who are both women, have started dating and married men with money.

Now, one of them expects her husband to spend his family riches on her, and the other accepts her boyfriends lavish gifts with open arms.  She never demands, although she does expect. I know that we have discussed this subject before on DINKS but I just can’t stand it when women (or men) expect to have things handed to them, especially if those things are money.

I think that searching for a husband is a mission, and finding someone with money is just a bonus like finding a buried treasure.  I would never make money criteria for dating.  However some people do.  Our culture promotes money and sometimes exploits the women who are looking for it by disguising it as if they are looking for love through TV shows like MillionaireMatchmaker and TheBachelor.

Every relationship is different.  I strongly believe in an equal financial contribution into a relationship, but only if your income permits that contribution.  Of course there are other ways, such as taking care of the home, that people can contribute into a relationship.  My boyfriend Nick and I earn approximately the same annual salary.  Although since I work in finance and due to the turmoil market these past few years, his income has been higher than mine.  Despite the recent difference in our incomes I would never expect him to shower me with expensive gifts or to assume all of our housing costs.  If your relationship is not a 50/50 contribution is it doomed to fail?

Tamara is an assistant manager of customer service at my bank branch. She started dating a man about 3 months ago.  He earns almost double her annual income. He wanted to go on vacation but she can’t afford it. Needless to say, she is going on vacation at the expense of his Visa card. We were discussing tips and she said “Oh he will take care of it.”  Next Sunday Tamara leaves for Cuba on her $2300 all inclusive vacation on a private island.

Jane is the head teller at my bank branch. She married and now has a child with the son of the wealthiest client in our branch.  He isn’t very nice to her, but she stays with him so that his family can provide for her and her son.  The son has everything handed to him and now since they are married she expects the same.  She drives a car paid for by the family business, and she lives in an apartment owned and paid for by her father in law. She earns her salary at the bank and spends it on expensive material goods such as $20 Butter Nail polish because all of her living expenses are paid for in full.  She has been pushing her husband for some time to open a joint bank account, and therefore, free access to all of the money.  However, for one reason or another he always refuses.  He just pays her with a weekly allowance.

These two women have become so financially dependent on their other halves that they would never be able to survive on their own.  In my opinion this is not a sustainable relationship or good financial planning.  It is ok to depend on your other half in your time of need, but it is not ok to become financially dependent.

(Photo By Kanir)

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