That’s what my co-worker told me yesterday after he announced he and his wife of nine years are getting a divorce. Now this may seem like a weird topic for me to bring up since I am neither married or have kids but I think it’s a very interesting topic to bring up.
They say the first year of marriage is the hardest
I’d like to know if that’s true. I would assume this used to be true back in a time when man and woman lived apart until the marriage and didn’t spend quality time together until the night of the honeymoon. However in 2015 isn’t it customary for an unmarried couple to live together before tying the knot?
If I wasn’t in a relationship I think I would definitely want to live with someone before we got married. I believe that only when you truly incorporate yourselves into each other’s daily routines can you honestly see if you’re a good match together.
I could definitely see getting married, moving in together, building a home together and getting used to each other’s lives all at the same time being very stressful. When you add in figuring out joint finances on top of that it could me more than someone can handle and that’s why the marriage ends in divorce. Taking all those steps slowly one by one can help couples adjust to each other before getting married.
Should having a child bring you closer together?
I think having kids is tough, however it’s a choice people make. Since having children is optional and not mandatory it makes it harder for me to feel bad for parents when they’re going through tough times. However with that being said I know kids can be awful.
Now that I’m 35 and look back at my childhood I can honestly say I don’t know how my parents survived together as long as they did. They got divorced when I was 16 and it was probably a long time coming. My sister says that my parents’ divorce is on them, they didn’t get along and lost their love; she doesn’t believe it has anything to do with either of us.
I absolutely see her point, but I still think the stress of having kids was a major contribution to their dislike for each other. They are two very different people who started dating at 19 and grew into different people by the time they were 40. When I ask my Dad about it he says “Yes you two girls gave me an ulcer.” My mother on the other hand gives a standard answer “No you girls were great.” Hence the divorce.
I think if a couple wants a family then having kids may be stressful, but not enough to break up a marriage. I mean no one said family life is perfect. However not being on the same page when it comes to raising your kids can absolutely be a hinder to a marriage.