Can You Tell Your Spouse They Don’t Make Enough Money?

by Kristina on November 21, 2011 · 16 comments

Good Morning DINKS.  Today I want us to discuss the relationship between love and money.  In your opinion is love more powerful than money, or is the equation vice versa? Very often we hear about young women marrying wealthy men for money.  These types of women are also known as Gold Diggers, but in my opinion they are nothing more than Prostitutes .  It is ok to be a Prostitute but own up to what you are! I hate it when women say that they really married for love and the money was just an added bonus….YEAH RIGHT. Very often is the case that these women would not give the man a second look if he didn’t have money.

I wonder if the same is true for DINKS.  Could you or would you enter into a relationship with someone who you know did not have money? I can honestly say that my boyfriend Nick’s income is not important to me, and it never has been because we met when we were both students with no income at all.  I fell in love with him way before either of us ever started making any substantial money and therefore I would not leave him if he didn’t have money.  However, if I was single and dating I am a bit ashamed to say that my potential boyfriends tax bracket would be a deciding factor in my decision to date (or not date) him.

Is money a deal breaker for you?

It may sound like I am a snob but the truth of the matter is that a lot of other aspects of our lives are directly and indirectly related to the amount of money that we make. Our quality of life is directly related to the amount of money that we make.  The destinations for our vacations, or even the fact that we can afford to take a vacation or two each year is directly related to our income.

Our Money Mentality is directly related to our income versus our expenses and it indirectly relates to our personality, our beliefs, and our daily living habits.  We may be a conservative person by nature and therefore we are also conservative with our money.  We may be a saver instead of being a spender, it would be hard to live with someone who always spends their money if we always save ours.  I personally like to buy nice things whenever I choose to indulge and spend my money; however what really brings a smile to my face is seeing the balance in my bank accounts, investment accounts, and retirement accounts increase on a weekly basis.

Could you marry someone who doesn’t share your Money Mentality?

I don’t think that I could marry someone who didn’t share my views on money because this probably means that we don’t share a lot of other aspects in our lives such as living arrangements, career ambitions, and social circles.  I wouldn’t want to be working hard to advance my career and marry someone who still lived a carefree life with no career ambitions.  I am not saying that everyone has to be a shark in the water, but the constant need to always better ourselves or try something new is very important to me.  I don’t want to be with someone who is stuck in their life or in their career.  Dreaming is fun and a form of inspiration.

I also want to be proud to introduce my (imaginary) husband to my group of friends.  My friends usually revolve around my workplace and my profession; therefore I would be ashamed to introduce someone to my friends who didn’t share our passion to perform well at work.

Photo by Unlisted Sightings



{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Paul November 23, 2011 at 11:54 am

I have a great chapter in my upcoming book Blue-Collar Buddha called “Love and Money”. If the original author of the story contacts me I will give them the chapter to review.

Paul

2 getagrip November 23, 2011 at 1:28 pm

How they dealt with money would be a bigger factor than their actual income for me. Even if you meet someone when you are both college students and essentially on subsistance living, if every time the other person got some cash it burnt a hole in their pocket, I’d be wary. If you look at their money situaton and they are in debt but when it’s pointed out to them they excuse the spending because they “deserve” (to have fun, a vacation, a new computer, etc.), I’d turn and run.

3 Kristina November 23, 2011 at 6:13 pm

@GetaGrip That is very true. Money management may be more important than the actual money they make. Someone who makes less money could end up having more money saved ithan someone who makes more money if they actively manage their money and control their spending. Although “my spouse” would have to make enough money to at least pay monthly bills and maintain a certain standard of living. I would want to live on a “student budget” at 31 years old.

4 Krystal November 29, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I can truly understand the point of view of the individuals on this website. However, I am going through a situation myself. I am 26 years old, in fall of 2012, I will have completed my Masters Degree in Training and Development. My husband and I have 2 beautiful children a boy and a girl. We have known each other since the age of 15. I have always had a job, took care of the children and the household. My husband (after 3 years) has a job at Sears. He takes home about 200 every two weeks. I make 9xs what he brings home and I am stressed, depressed, and resentful. I am hurt because I did not expect my life to be with a man that cannot pay any bills at all! It truly hurts because sometimes, just sometimes I would like to be catered to or for him to say, “don’t worry hunny, I will pay this bill this month.” Everyone says, money should not matter, but it truly does. Especially if if cost more money for my husband to get to work than he is getting paid and after his check is gone, he is asking me for gas money etc. I feel as if I am the mother and he is the child. I am starting to look at him as a liability when I should look at him as a husband.
I know, many of you will say that he is trying give him a chance. I feel that I am going through a female growing pain. There are some things that women will accept and somethings that I cannot accept. At one time, I wasn’t able to save any money because every time I looked around he needed something. I tried to be honest and open about my finances with him. Now (after listening to my grandmother who has been married for over 50 years) I have a personal bank account that knows nothing about. I truly need some advice becuase I am really feeling as if I need to let him go because I do not want my life to always be the one taking care of everything. I want someone to have my back in case I need them. Not someone who tells me they do not have gas money and I tell them I don’t have any money and their response is, “make it happen.” I am tired of making it happen. I am just plain tired or holding all of the responsiblities on my back, shoulder, neck, and ass.

5 Kristina November 29, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Hey Krystal,
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Whoever said that money doesn’t matter has obviously never been hungry or hurting to money. People who say that money doesn’t matter are ususally people who hav enever had to be financially responsible. If your financial situation has been like this for a while and your husband is not making an effort to change his career or find another job then maybe he is a liability. At some point you have to think about what makes you happy and if that is no longer your husband, I am sorry to say but maybe you have to move on. However, if he is making changes to better his situation that is different. But if not they you have to make changes because you don’t want to be having this same conversation 5 years from now. Good Luck with everything and Thanks for reading!

6 Rose campion December 4, 2011 at 1:35 pm

What kind of job does he have at Sears that he only pulls in $200 every two weeks? Until Borders closed, I worked there part time and always got more than $200 per two weeks,even the weeks that I had low hours. I could only manage this because we have very low expenses (no car, no kids, low housing costs, no debt but mortgage). My transportation costs to work were near zero because I lived close and could ride my bike. So the whole $200 to $400 per check has been available for spending. It was enough for fun things like vacations and new furniture, while still helping to pay off the mortgage early. Plus I’ve always done 90% of the housework in addition to my part time work, so I haven’t entirely been slacking.

Now I’m going back to school to prepare for a real career. I’ll still probably never earn as much as my IT working husband, but it will be enough to hire a maid (I’m sick of housework) and maybe buy some investment properties. And also make me feel like I’m not such a slacker.

7 Matthew Freeman January 15, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Well……woman, be prepared to be alone, u know what you get into with marriage, and if marriage is about dollars and cents to you, you really don’t know the true meaning of a marriage and don’t deserve to be married. It sickens me when I see women complain about things like this. Its terrible, if a man should have to worry about what he makes on a finance level to keep a woman, she is definetly not worth it. Period, I could care less what my woman makes. Because once you say I do, the previous question has nothing to do with money, that’s why marriages last in other countries, because here in this greedy fucked up country with these bratty women is all greed. I’m ashamed to be apart if this era

8 wallstreettiger February 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Matthew Freeman..spoken like a man clearly in a low paygrade. A woman still wants to be swept off her feet, not wipe up the financial inabilities from your other half. The stay at home daddys are also shameful in my own personal view. The husbandis supposed to share the household financial burden, but sadly in Krystal’s case, hubby has become the sole burden…
Very sad to encounter bitter men who cannot face their own shortcomings..

9 wallstreettiger February 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Matthew Freeman..spoken like a man clearly in a low paygrade. A woman still wants to be swept off her feet, not wipe up the financial inabilities from your other half. The stay at home daddys are also shameful in my own personal view. The husband is supposed to share the household financial burden, but sadly in Krystal’s case, hubby has become the sole burden…
Very sad to encounter bitter men who cannot face their own shortcomings..

10 Rob Anderson May 9, 2012 at 10:17 am

There’s nothing wrong with a person being concerned about your financial stability. A long-term partnership means depending on each other through the ups and downs, and being financially reliable does help with that to a degree. The difference between a gold digger and someone who values your role as a provider is that the gold digger would deride and perhaps leave you if you lost your ability to provide for them financially. A good person can appreciate your financial resources, but a gold digger appreciates only that, and will not see the relationship as worthwhile if you’re not well off.

11 david May 25, 2012 at 12:00 am

Parasitical relationships should be avoided. Love has NOTHING to do with money.

12 david May 25, 2012 at 12:02 am

I think this article asks the wrong questions.

13 Julie February 25, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Krystal, I am in the EXACT same boat, except I’m 48 years old. I have provided for my husband and son for the past 17 years and my husband has sucked me dry. I lost my good job recently and am trying to reinvent myself, but he will not give me ONE break while I’m doing this and is expecting me to “make it happen.” You will find yourself BROKE if you let this continue. I have my own bank account, too (thank GOD, and I suggest you keep yours!) and I only put into our joint account exactly enough to pay 50% of the monthly bills. After he pays his 50%, he has no money for gas, lunch money for our son, or even for a GALLON of milk. But I won’t/can’t pick up his financial slack any longer.

Shut him off NOW. Be insistent that he pays 50% of the monthly household bills NOW or, before you know it, he will be a middle-aged, entitled, irresponsible (boy) man. Take it from someone who is THERE!

14 Julie February 25, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Krystal, I am in the EXACT same boat, except I’m 48 years old. I have provided for my husband and son for the past 17 years and my husband has sucked me dry. I lost my good job recently and am trying to reinvent myself, but he will not give me ONE break while I’m doing this and is expecting me to “make it happen.” You will find yourself BROKE if you let this continue. I have my own bank account, too (thank GOD, and I suggest you keep yours!) and I only put into our joint account exactly enough to pay 50% of the monthly bills. After he pays his 50%, he has no money for gas, lunch money for our son, or even for a GALLON of milk. But I won’t/can’t pick up his financial slack any longer.

Shut him off NOW. Be insistent that he pays 50% of the monthly household bills NOW or, before you know it, he will be a middle-aged, entitled, irresponsible (boy) man. Take it from someone who is THERE!

15 jack June 16, 2013 at 9:13 pm

“I fell in love with him way before either of us ever started making any substantial money and therefore I would not leave him”

I call B.S if he didn’t start making money you would left him… please try not to lie.

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