When my father had a heart attack and triple-bypass surgery at 80, he received outstanding care there. I would have had to take him into my home had these services not been available. Four years later, after he died, I discovered that the staff had done many other wonderful things for them, not least of which was balancing his checkbook when, as he became more confused, he would dork it up. They ran interference with the insurance, VA, and Medicare bureaucracies, cutting through red tape and seeing to it that benefits actually happened. They drove him and his wife to doctors’ appointments.

Recently I fell and dislocated my shoulder…nothing life-threatening, but for a week I couldn’t do much for myself because my arm was strapped into a sling. Since I couldn’t get into the thing by myself, my son had to come over here twice a day to get me into it after showers and to readjust it on so it didn’t hurt before I went to bed. It was a real nuisance for him. So I’ve quietly begun to consider moving into a life-care community myself. I love my home and don’t want to leave it, but on the other hand, I sure don’t want to be a burden to my son.

Speaking of burdens, Semi-Demi-Exboyfriend built a cottage behind the house he and his wife purchased, to accommodate his mother and his Parkinson’s-stricken father. They were impoverished–the old man had worked in a dry-cleaning plant in the Upper Peninsula (which is why he developed acute early-onset Parkinson’s) and had earned almost nothing. Among the working poor, “retirement savings” is not an operative term. It took 16 years for the father to die. Sixteen extremely stressful years, so horrible that at one point the mother threw a bunch of clothes in the car and drove off, planning to run away, she knew not where. SDXB’s marriage ultimately did not survive the strains that were put on the family. Having ill parents living in the backyard isn’t a lot better than having them in the basement or in a spare bedroom.

As a baby boomer who is fully prepared for an independent retirement with a paid-off home and a decent retirement fund, BTW, I kinda resent the ageism implicit in a blanket condemnation of your parents’ entire generation. The elderly, it appears, are the new ni**ers. You, too, will be old someday, and you will find this attitude more tedious the nearer you draw to the grave.

It's a sad thing when you have to have that "we don't want you living with us" conversation. I like the idea of moving to Hong Kong–not bad my anonymous friend!

I also like the idea of buying a house in the country for "them." Not a bad idea. That may be the most realistic option out there.

But what I really want is for my parents to have financial security in their retirement. That's the most important thing to me. And I think that they would be happier for it. No one really likes to feel like they are solely relying on another for their existence (at least I don't think so). In the end, I do want them to be happy. And again, I think that having a sense of financial security would provide the greatest sense of security and happiness for them.

I am still going to start the IRA. I have to believe that it's not too late.

Thanks again for all the feedback.

We've also discussed possibly buying land in the country with two houses – one for *them* and one for us. This is a legitimate concern for us and has caused us to debate "spend our money now before we have to support four parents" vs. "save for our dreams which may never happen because our parents will need to rely on us before then."

We regularly curse the baby boomers and their irresponsibility. On the other hand, we feel duly obligated to take care of the people that birthed and raised us.