Comments on: Dating and Money

By: Mariah

Mariah — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:42:17 +0000

My boyfriend and I tend to split things pretty evenly, although we take one another's changing financial situations into account.

I have pointed out to him (and in similar conversations with others) that women spend a lot more "behind the scenes," if you will. I'm the only one who pays for my birth control, yet we both benefit. Women's clothing and accessories tend to be more expensive than men's…. Obviously, what I wear and how much I spend on that kind of thing are my choices, but I'm doing it because of him. Unless one of the people in the relationship is a sugar daddy/mama, I think things tend to even out.

By: Dual Income No Kids

Dual Income No Kids — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 08:16:00 +0000

All - Thanks for all of your great comments. I find this to be a fascinating topic, as a lot of one's character comes out in dating.

I recall dating a few guys who weren't afraid to spend money and this was hard on me. I didn't want to spend my hard earned money in such frivilous ways, but also didn't want to have them doing all the spending.

Interestingly enough, for James and I we actually had a different kind of balance. When we were kids and started dating he was very into wanting to pay for everything. When we started living together, we decided that we would split things such that he paid for going out to dinners and whatnot, and I paid for groceries. This made him feel like the man in terms of picking up the tab at the end of the night, and gave me more control over what we got from the store (since under his bachelor lifestyle he couldn't understand why I wanted to buy a week's worth of groceries at once). It was a win-win for both of us.

Cheers,

Miel

By: kb dragon

kb dragon — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:45:32 +0000

My husband and I met as young professionals. We met at a group that meets once a week, so we were already friends before we started dating. Our first date cost me – the girl – $20 to buy a DVD that we watched at his apartment. A DVD that I would have purchased anyway. When we did first go to a resturant he paid. By the time we went again we had discussed our financial situations and spending habits, and we agreed to take turns. It helps that from the start we communicated expectations with each other. We were also both looking for a long term relationship, so so when we spent money together and on dates we acted as we would if our finances were shared.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:50:53 +0000

I think this a great opportunity to re-evaluate the relationship. The question is why his girlfriend has not mentioned the expense of the dates herself. Does she presume he has alot of money? Does she think about their future and how his over spending money now can affect them later? Does she have old-fashioned values (the man pays for everything), or is she afraid of offending him? Is she oblivious to money? These questions need to discussed by both of them. I would never let my husband (we just got married) overextend himself.. There's too many fun cheap things to do.

By: frugalphx

frugalphx — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:39:28 +0000

I have wondered about this as I got older and looked back to some of the lavish dates I used to go on. Now it makes me feel guilty because these men probably didn't have the money.

It is very true that your perspective on how you spend money and on what changes after marriage. (ie. before I got married I wanted a huge diamond…now it isn't as important because it would impact our financial goals)

By: 20smoney

20smoney — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 13:51:03 +0000

It's important to emphasize the cheap/free things in a relationship like a good conversation. When you focus on these things, you emphasize stuff like a fancy dinner less. Personally, a walk with a quality conversation at night with my wife can do wonders for our relationship. The cost is zero.

By: laura @ so alaurable

laura @ so alaurable — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:19:18 +0000

I agree with you, that's not fair to your friend. I met my husband in college so I never began a relationship after starting in the working world, but after a few dates and it's to the point where you have a relationship, I would offer to pick up the tab every other time to help balance it out.

By: David

David — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:40:37 +0000

I guess I'm in a different situation where I started dating my girlfriend when I was a sophomore in college and she was a freshman. From the get-go we limited going out to "expensive" (expensive to us is a nice restaurant like Olive Garden) restaurants to once a week, if not less frequent than that. We both do not have a lot of money, and we both realize that.

That being said, dating on the cheap is definitely the way to go. We went on a trip to Duluth one weekend (3 hours from the cities) and we spent less than $300 total for three days and we did a lot of stuff.

I'm with Michael in saying I don't have great advice because I haven't been down that route. Communication is really all that I can say.

By: Penny Stocks

Penny Stocks — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:22:18 +0000

Dating can be expensive but so can a night out with the boys. Just keep it real and keep it within your limit. If your broke she'll find out soon enough anyways. Relationships are financial drains, agreed.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:06:35 +0000

Soon after my, now, fiance and I realized this was getting serious, we had a conversation about making sure expenses were fair. He still wanted to be chivalrous, but I realized it wasn't fair to make him always pay. We decided to take turns on dates. From milkshakes to fancy dinners, we just take turns on picking up the check. In the end it all evens itself out and we felt it was the healthiest way to fund our dating.