Class Divisions & Financial Stratification
One of our commenters tipped us off to another great blog, Cure Money Madness.
I found one posting particularly interesting, Friends at Work, but not Friends for Long It basically goes into the blogger, Spencer, feeling an uncomfortable divide when a friend at work asked where he "summered"; since the answer to this was the Queens public swimming pool. In the end, Spencer knew the relationship was doomed.
This blog posting got me thinking about my own parallel experiences. Rather than the public swimming pool, I spent my summers on a river in rural Southern Oregon. While on opposite coasts I imagine our experiences overlap in ways.
For me, I thought I grew up middle-class, until I went to a prestigious college and learned that I was closer to the poverty line. My roommates all came from wealthy families, all three paying out of pocket for school at $25k a year.
Interestingly enough, the divide came when I actually had more money working two jobs than my roommates had getting an allowance from mummy and daddy. I could pin point that moment in my dorm room as when I realized what power I had to pursue the American dream. It struck me that if I continued to work hard and persevere, I could surpass my privileged classmates.
That is exactly what happened.
I'm certainly making more than any of my roommates at the time, and I'd likely be in the top percentile of earnings for my graduating class.
Even here in Afghanistan, where salaries are generally quite high, I realized recently that I actually make more than most of my closest friends in Kabul, some of whom are twenty years older than I.
It also occurred to me recently that I'm making the equivalent to all three of my parents, and four siblings combined!
The one area that Spencer and I differ though, is that I've somehow been able to not let class or status get in the way of my self-worth. I guess this is due to feeling that I've climbed the ranks and been at nearly every stage along the ladder of wealth, aside from being handed it.
For this reason I guess I can relate well to those who are just trying to make it, or have made it. I think I would still find the most difficulty with those who are just handed it. There is something that just doesn't set well around folks who haven't worked for it. I can pretend that I'm okay with it, but I wouldn't be being straight with myself.
I will say that there are some class issues that James & I have had to deal with over the years. He admits that he feels a class difference between our families. I guess I've combated this by making a success of myself.
While for the most part I can be comfortable with folks from all walks of life, I am cognizant that this can change sometimes when interacting with people who had a more traditional upbringing, even those that are simply more conservative. I realize that I don't always mention the fact that I grew up on a commune in certain circles, including our blog. I guess there is something that just feels funny about having grown up with an outhouse and now making $150k annually. I guess that is just life though.
Food for thought I suppose. I find that the emotional side of financial, particularly our financial background, makes a big difference in how we approach finances. It's good to reflect from time to time about what makes up your attitudes about finance.
It occurred to me recently the connection between my siding with those who are pulling themselves up by their boot straps and my work in development. While I'm all for improving the quality of lives in the developing world, I'm certainly on the side of believing that it has to come from within. This obviously comes from my own experience with how to get ahead in the world.
Readers: I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on relating to difference classes and migrating from one to another.
Cheers,
Miel
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12 comments:
I seem to have an affinity for helping people who would be classified as lower middle class/working class.
Growing up in a family where the highest education level on either side was highschool (only my aunt), I was brought up valuing education and hard work.
A number of my girlfriends I met during university and beyond come from very wealthy families and at times I envy their ease with approaching life.
I am only starting to get that ease from many years of hard work. I cannot say that I felt separated from them but I took note of their "ways of being/habits" I wanted to see in myself/life and made plans to make it happen.
However, when I'm tired and fed up, I'd wish I had easier!
I certainly commend you from making your way up the class ladder by your own hard work. But it's interesting to me that in your reflection on your past hard work you've come to the conclusion that it's a necessary part of value as a person.
As you stated:
"There is something that just doesn't set well around folks who haven't worked for it. I can pretend that I'm okay with it, but I wouldn't be being straight with myself."
So you're saying that your kids, who will undoubtedly have an easier go of it than you did since you're worked so hard and pulled yourself up, would be better off (or indeed better persons) if you denied them any of your gains and made them walk the same path you did?
I understand the logic behind the thought but the outcome is most certainly not favorable. I am in a similar situation in that at age 21 I was the first person ever in my family to graduate from college and at age 25 I already make more than my parents do currently. But there's no way my kids should have to go through what I did to get where I am. Making them take that path is really just a way of admitting I don't have the ability to teach them the lessons I've learned and that life will need to teach it to them for me.
My father-in-law has a story more similar to yours than my own, he had outhouses, no running water, milk crate coffee tables, and even lost his job the day his first child was born. Now he benefits from Bush tax cuts. He's come a long way and nobody, and I mean nobody, helped him do it. He has always said he doesn't want his kids to struggle like he does.
Now it's not like he gives them cars, houses, cell phones, or whatever they want. But he helps them pay for education, helps them buy furniture from target for their first house, and in general rewards them for their individual success and hard work by lending a helping hand.
So when you say:
"I guess there is something that just feels funny about having grown up with an outhouse and now making $150k annually. I guess that is just life though."
That's really a self fulfilling prophecy. You're in complete control of that situation now. I mean, you make more than your entire immediate family combined yet you pay 5.6% income tax which is almost certainly less than most of those in your family pay. As long as that remains the case I fear that "just life" mantra will continue to dominate. Remember, you were smart, strong, and driven to overcome your situation. Most young Americans aren't...what happens to them?
I'd say at this point I'm actively headed the other way. I'll finish my masters in Computer Science this year and I spent the last summer interning in a research lab which is about as good a job as a programmer can get.
I realized partway through the summer that if I could land a job here I'd get paid loads of money doing pretty much whatever I wanted under the one condition that when I made it the company gets to make a bunch of money off of it.
The idea of the freedom to do whatever I wanted and have piles of money to roll around in does sound enticing, but I'll spend 20-30 years there and though I may have some effect on my field, it is unlikely that I'll have made the world a significantly better place.
The current plan is to get used to living more simply and try to come up with the way to do the most good that I can do with the skills and time that I've got.
It looks like that might well entail being something less than rich. ☺
Will - I think rich is all a mindset. As we all know, money is relative and the more you get doesn't necessarily mean that you are more rich.
I feel that I had a truly rich upbringing, even if that didn't include loads of money. I had what I needed and I was happy. I think that is being truly rich.
Good luck finding what works for you.
Best,
Miel
Chris - Wow, so much to respond to you. Your comment was very thoughtful and gave me much to reflect on.
I think it terms of kids and money, that will take some negotiation. I certainly want a better life for our children, but I also want to make sure that they have a strong work ethic. I believe that there are ways to accomplish that in a balanced way.
One thing to keep in mind is that when wealthier families take the hard line on making their kids fend for themselves, it is actually not really all that fair. I was able to get a high level of student loans because my parents didn't make much. In fact, my dad broke his ankle and lost his job the year I went to college. This was actually the kicker in my being able to afford college. Had he been working, I wouldn't haven't have gotten as good of financial aid. So when wealthy parents send their kids off on their own for school, they are giving them a major handicap by not being able to get adequate study loans, work study, and need grants.
All in all, I think it will be a balance, but very doable. When I think about it myself, I live a comfortable life, splurge from time to time (and have the ability to do so) but mostly save.
Our kids certainly won't have to live like paupers, but I'm certainly not adverse to hand-me-downs and the like either. Part of that mentality is just using what resources we do consume to the fullest.
I think you are also right on in calling me on saying that that's just the way life is. My life is the way it is because I've been hard working and determined. I didn't just happen to travel the world and now get paid well to do so. This came about by years of getting out there and going after my dreams.
Anyway, thanks for your comments and I appreciate the opportunity to reflect.
Best,
Miel
Hi Miel,
I love your blog, but find my self getting a bit envious when reading about your success and financial stablity. I have no complaints and am doing well for myself at 24 (am also a DINK), but I guess that is just human nature. I have never had the drive that you do to be extremely successful and to work hard to be the top of my field. Maybe that is because I haven't figured out what my true passion is.
My family paid for my schooling (was pretty reasonably priced), but I got married when I was 20, and was basically on my own after that. I don't beileve I could have grasped the concepts of working to pay my bills, and money management at that age had that not happened. I never really appreciated the money that my parents gave me when I was younger, and did not invest and save it the way that I do with my own earned money. I want to be able to help out my future children with the high cost of college, but think it is important to make them work for it as well. Congradulations on all your success, it sounds like you worked very hard for it.
I'm not so sure how great of class distinction is these days. Yes, there are most assuredly groups that definitely play on the distinction; however, in an age where anyone can look like a pauper and actually be a billionaire, I think class distinctions have changed. If there are senses of class, I feel that they are self-inflicted on what our roles ought to be rather than what you can control them to be...fait accompli.
there is an excellent line in Whit Stillman's movie Metropolitan (1990), where Chris Eigeman's character Nick says to Edward Clements' character Tom Townsend, "do you really want some one far wealthier than you going, oh look at poor Tom Townsend, he can't even afford a winter coat." it says alot about people's class insecurities and what often times is a contradictory reality. aside from being a witty movie (I highly recommend it along with Barcelona and Last Days of Disco) it's an interesting social commentary on class distinction (sorry, I sounded like someone in the movie just now).
i have known and do know some utterly insanely wealthy people. In the past, I definitely saw the class distinction as someone with far less means I imagine would. I'm not sure when the lightbulb went on, but the mere fact that "those" people and I related, should have been an indicator that we are our worst enemies in promolgating class distinctions or viewing our stations in life.
i think for many, class distinction is a function of keeping up with the jonses in that you have limits to what you want to have and can't have, so people automatically erect barriers. it's not surprising that the economic term for this is relative deprivation. Feeling deprived I imagine emphasizes the them versus us and how our ability to climb the hurdle upward.
Tim - Thanks for your note. I do think that you are right about their being more and more relativity around class.
I think it also has to do with where you identify yourself, rather than just how much money you have. For instance, James and I are clearly in the professional/academic circles of DC and beyond. But when it comes down to it we actually have more money than most of our friends and colleagues. We are in the same class circles, but not necessarily the same economic standing. We just prefer to live within out means and choose our friends for their global perspective and intellectual stimulation rather than how much money they have.
Best,
Miel
Emily - Thanks for your comment. I think it is true that we value things more that we earn ourselves. It's also often harder to appreciate what we have when we have it.
Thanks for reading!
Miel
Miel,
I think we are saying the same thing, but I didn't so much as say it as such (wow that was a bit much). i think class distinction these days are far more a function of value circles then of economic means ones. At least for me when I was growing up, they were. If not, then why else would someone with far more means than I share a relationship?
i think the value in values is that you can at the same time provide a better economic standard for your children while still raising them under various value ethos, such as hard work, etc. I know for the far wealthier among my friends, everyone worked.
Tim - Yes, I think we are on the same page.
Your comment makes me think of how values and work ethic don't necessarily go hand in hand with class. My older sister, who from an objective view would be of both a lower social and economic class than myself, taught her kids nothing about having a work ethic. No chores throughout growing up. We grew up with plenty ourselves, so I'm not certain where it came from, but it is clear that instilling certain values doesn't necessarily reflect class issues.
Best,
Miel
I too have a similar story.. one (of only a few grandchildren) to have gone to college (paid mostly from personal savings and loans). Although my family did not have much, they were very good at living within their means. I have added to that lesson and now actively invest (stocks, real estate, etc.) and track my progress daily. I've been fortunate to be exposed to many class levels and attitudes towards money. I don't want to generalize too much, but I have observed a few things related to family attitudes.
The wealthy have a much easier time openly discussing their finances with their children. They take a much more active role in teaching them about personal finances at a much earlier age. It's talked about early and often (as part of normal dinner time conversation).
My family avoided discussions about finances (either because they were uneducated about them or too ashamed). I love them dearly, but I could have learned so much more at an earlier age (even from the mistakes) had they shared more.
I went to school with many sons and daughters of wealthy families and instead of being intimidated tried to understand what made their families different. Open discusion about money was the biggest difference I encountered. From a Darwinian point, the sucessful transfer of knowledge to the next generation can make a huge difference.
I wish that personal finance was given a platform in our schools (high school or college). Do you think that this is unobtainable given are current education system?
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