Wills - Supporting your Spouse
Part of marriage is supporting each other in sickness and in health. As little as anyone would like to think about it, this also should mean in death. The emotional and financial support that you provide for your spouse now should also extend beyond your life.
Taking time to define this is part of sharing a healthy and supportive relationship. Of course, this is the very adult approach that using reason over emotion. Most people would just rather avoid the fact that we will all eventually pass on.
Considering my imminent departure to Afghanistan, these are some of the things that we have to consider. We certainly avoided for as long as we could, but eventually managed to sit down at our local Starbuck's and discuss.
Here are some of the things that we considered in making up both of our wills:
- What manner we would like to be disposed of
- Where we would like to be disposed of
- What percentage will go to our spouse and what percentage for family
- Who we would like to pass on jewelry to
- Do we want more life insurance - double my salary is provided by my work
- Do we want kid-napping insurance while I'm abroad
Obviously not your best Saturday afternoon conversation, but it was actually quite a relief to just work out some of the details and know what the other would like to fulfill their wishes.
By taking the time now to discuss these issues we will better be able to support the possible remaining spouse during a very difficult time. Having them know your wishes can take a lot of stress off of them to make decisions on your behalf. Making sure that you are in a financial position to ease any possible burden and allow for your spouse to maintain their current lifestyle makes a significant difference.
I was chatting with my grandmother last night and she reminded me of what it was like for her to deal with the deployment of my grandfather on military tours of duty. As it happened, he was killed flying over the Philippines in the run up to the Vietnam war two weeks before his scheduled return date.
This left my twenty-five year-old grandmother with my then, ten year old dad and eight year old uncle. She said that having a letter from him delivered to here made a great deal of difference in dealing with the grief and moving on.
While we certainly wish long and prosperous lives to all of our readers, we also believe that it is good for everyone to consider taking care of ensuring that a will is in place.
Best wishes,
Miel
Readers: We would love to hear from readers with more experience or tips on what to make sure is included in a will. Thanks!
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5 comments:
This is such an important topic - one that many in my own family have neglected to consider.
My fiance and I recently completed our wills and final wishes (which will have to be updated again once we are married). Once we completed the process it felt like such an accomplishment. One of the key things that came out of our wills and final wishes was the need to slightly increase our life insurance. We also considered what we would like to happen to our two doggies should we both perish at the same time.
Another major insight was regarding what we wanted as our Living Wills - my fiance and I differ significantly on this. However, we both agreed to honour one another's wishes.
In a weird way it was also kind of fun (albeit in a morbid way) to divy up our "assets" should be both perish at the same time. It was endearing to hear why my fiance wanted certain things to go to certain people, and the messages we left to our loved ones to that effect in our wills. An example from my fiance left our home in Kingston to his brother with the following message:
to my brother, Michael Middlename Lastname:
I leave the house at 111 Streetname Street, City Ontario, Postal Code. This house is left to Michael with the hope that he will continue to use it as an investment, or use the funds from the sale of it as he sees fit. (My fiance is big on investment ;p)
And of course our "Kids" or rather doggies:
IF Hami should refuse to act, predecease me, or die within 30 days following my death, THEN I APPOINT Meagan Middlename Lastname of City in the Province of Ontario as Guardian of my two dogs Bella Hami-Harri and Beau Hami-Harri.
I REQUEST that my Guardian:
Take care of my two dogs as they know I would have. It is important to me that my guardian, using their best judgement, treats medical emergencies and other medical needs in the same style that I would have.
For those of you that don't have last wills, living wills and power's of attorney ready to go - I say GET ON IT! You'll be glad you did!
A major topic I think you missed is that of the living will. I believe that entails if you become incapacitated (recall the Terry Schiavo situation), do you want to be kept on life support? Would you want to keep a feeding and water tube, just one or both? This was a component of our overall will package. I like the idea of discussing to whom you'd like all your meaningful belongings to go. We also have all our pets accounted for and going to various friends and family members in case we perish together.
The Swiss_Mouse interjects here that that he has special considerations as he updated his and Mrs. Swiss_Mouse's wills lately.
One of the Swiss_Mouse's mouse-lings is a special needs child. Thus we set up a "special needs trust" which is different than a regular trust.
Just something to consider for those with similiar children.
Do you have any pets?
I keep a life insurance policy just for the individual(s) who adopt my cat after I pass away. There are many thousands of animals in shelters who had owners who failed to make provisions for their pets.
Do you have your health care directive? If something happens (i.e., brain damage) have you made your wishes known? Have you identified the person who is to make these decisions and communicate to the doctors?
Have you considered powers of attorney if for some reason one or the both of you are unable to do basic financial things? (I was having surgery for ovarian cancer, so my brother was added to my bank accounts and had power of attorney to pay bills, etc.)
Have you determined if a will is your best solution? What about a living trust?
This is also a good time for you both to look at both short-term and long-term disability insurance. If you find yourself with a life altering accident or illness, this offers you income protection.... Social Security pays very little.
One final thought - and this is a tough one - you may want to indicate if you were to both die in the same accident (i.e., plane crash) how you would want the will to take effect. Many wills have the presumption that one spouse dies prior to the other and assets are divided accordingly. Unless you have this as a specific clause, your families can end up in a rather nasty fight over assets trying to "declare" that one of you died prior to the other.
One rule of life has never been so true - you never know anyone until you share an inheritance!
If I were to die, I wonder if my debt would die too?
I wish you good health and be safe in your travels.
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