Social Approval, PF Blogging and Honesty
The impression I've been getting is that not everyone feels discussing personal finance on the internet is appropriate. For example, Miel's ex-boyfriend recently found our blog and thought it was crass that we put so much personal information on-line. Some of our friends have also been concerned that the amount of disclosure we have on our blog might potentially cause conflict. For example, one of our friends said that someone might become jealous or feel slighted if we refused a request for money.
Not only that, I've noticed that sometimes when I tell people about our blog, sometimes the response is "Oh geeze, I've got to start taking care of my finances a little more" or sometimes I'll just get an embarrassed silence.
I think this is a shame. Why, you might ask?
Its because honesty is a predicate for success. Specifically, if you intend to get ahead financially, its a lot easier if you're willing to discuss your money openly and honestly. For me, this means not disguising my identity on-line and it means truthfully revealing information like my net worth or income (with a reasonable degree of safety of course). Generally speaking, a lack of willingness to share ones financial information means its harder to be truthful about ones finances and accordingly to get ahead in today's world.
Best,
James
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5 comments:
I don't even know you but I would feel slighted if you refused my request for a little cash.
What I've seen is that it is more OK to be honest that you are up to your eyeballs in debt, than to be honest that you are doing well and have savings and everything. It's like there is some kind of big brotherhood of people who are strapped, and people relate better to someone who is struggling, than to somebody who has taken the necessary steps to be able to live on their income, or, shock horror, live on less than they make.
Also it is hard to have a conversation about finances and be honest, and not have the other person interpret your saying you are doing OK as bragging. People just want to hear how everybody else is doing as badly as they are. The only person I have ever had a conversation with who was actually excited about my terrific company match for my 403(b) was my aunt, who is a financial planner.
Personally, the numbers are what makes it worthwhile. We can't learn anything if nobody talks about specifics. To talk about finances with vague statements like, "We're doing well" or "she's making a good living" don't help because "doing well" will mean something different to everyone, depending on where they're "at." It's considered "crass" by some because it leaves everyone vulnerable to being judged and compared...especially when it comes to salaries.
As for the loan-seekers, it seems what they are most uncomfortable with is that you might choose to not loan them money even if you could. If they don't know what your net worth is, and you turn them down, they can allow themselves the believe that your rejection is simply because you CAN'T, not cuz you choose not to.
It's simple. Ignore them. If they ask for money. Tell them the blanket policy is 'no' on loans. Let them think you crass. If they don't like you, they can find new friends, and so can you.
Many of my friends know about my blog. I do keep it a bit hidden from my current co-workers, and have shared it with only a small few of them. I suppose my friends who know about my blog don't read it because it's dry and boring, or they don't really care about my finances because it's irrelevant to our friendship.
I share pretty openly with my friends and often times we talk about finances and our futures together because we are the kinds of friends who share those things and support one another in those endeavors. Since we're all in the same boat to securing our financial future, no one ever complains that so-and-so picks expensive restaurants, etc. We've got the same paradigm about our career ambitions and savings. Perhaps it isn't the choice we make to have this open dialogue by blog, but the people we choose as our friends.
It seems to me that this is less of an issue if most of your friends are in the same economic situation, or at least have the same economic opportunities as you. My wife & I live well beneath our means, but many of our friends with the same lifestyle make far less than we do. There are a lot of reasons for this (no college, had kids very young, chose careers with low earnings potential, etc.), but the end result is that our friends probably assume that we make MUCH less than we do. If they were to see our budget or income, it might have the same effect on them as if we had won the lottery - they probably wouldn't overtly ask for money, but the fact that we're not offering to pay for stuff when they're around might subconsciously eat at them a little bit. I would prefer not to introduce that to our relationships. Of course, it helps that I’m too lazy to actually create my own blog anyway, so I really don’t have to worry about it.
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