Miel: Over the years I’ve found that finances play a role in relationships long before the stage when your financial lives are inseparably intertwined. Whether you like it or not, the financial lives of those around you has a way of playing a role in your own life as well.
I remember realizing this with acute awareness in one of my first relationships, when his excessive spending habits made it more difficult for me to keep costs down. This works similarly with close friends, but goes to a whole new level when you are in a committed relationship.
While James & I have largely learned to live with each other’s financial habits, it still takes negotiation and compromise to work things out. It often feels like the never ending story. It can help to put it in the perspective that finances will always be an issue, whether it feels you never have enough or you need to learn how to manage what you have.
James & I both identify strongly with financial autonomy. As much as we try to maintain our own independence and provide those same freedoms to the other, when it comes to the end of the day, everything that one does impacts the other in some way. This isn’t necessarily always in a bad way, but it must be managed. For instance, James started on the retirement road earlier and faster than I did. While I’ve been able to put away over $10k last year towards retirement, that still doesn’t bring me up to his level of investment.
Generally conflict more likely arises with expenditures impacting the other. There is no escaping that one impacts the other. While we enjoy the advantages that our combined savings efforts offer, that is some times harder to remember. I think the most important lesson in this observation is that it is essential to be aware of the influences you have on others financially, especially your spouse. Whether that means a generally high level of consciousness, or spoken appreciation, it will likely pay off in dividends.
